Introduction to The Expired Athlete
I have gone back and forth about what an opening line looks like for this post, as I have never done anything like this, so I guess I will start by introducing myself. I am a retired (or Expired) professional footballer (Soccer player) who represented my country at the international level and played in the quarter finals of the Champions League. I am here back from the depths of retirement, ready to share tales of glory, hardship and occasional embarrassment. I was the first North American player to play in the newly professionalized league in England, playing for the likes of Sunderland, Celtic, Slavia Praha and a couple more clubs along the way. I know what you're thinking, that playing background ain't too shabby retirement must be a dream! Spending summers at my holiday home, streams of income to travel the world and endless opportunities for investment and employment… If I were a man, you would likely be correct. However, I am not a man, I am a queer woman who had 6 days between retiring from football and starting a new job out of necessity because my reality involves a bank balance that laughed at the idea of retirement. Chances are you have no clue who I am, and don't worry, you're not alone. My name is Kylla Sjoman, your typical professional female athlete, with moments of success but never stardom, spending my entire life up until 32 investing myself into the game I love.
Now, you may be wondering why “The Expired Athlete” and really it just felt appropriate, having been in the sports world for the majority of my life there has always been an expiration date looming over me. And while tossing around blog names with my girlfriend, trying to capture the essence of where I'm at now, she drops this gem. So, kudos to her, although, I'm not entirely sure what it says about me that this was her go-to…But seriously, being an athlete and going professional, becoming an expert and reaching levels of peak performance in the thing you love, knowing you can't do it forever is brutal. The average length of a professional footballer's career is only 8 years! Other sports can be half that long! Then I see my friends in various professions, from the arts to entrepreneurship, which are pursuits you can dive into and chase throughout your entire life. Where you can grow and use your experiences to move your passions forward. With athletes, we all have an expiration date. Whether it be with a club or full blown retirement . Nature's life cycle shines a bright light on athletes, a cycle where physical prowess is pushed aside to make room for the next generation. It's a natural evolution in the world of sports. An evolution I have struggled to accept, or believe I still had purpose beyond.
The above kinda explains why It's been awhile since I have logged on to any social media channels to share anything about myself. You probably see me crop up promoting some charity work, the annual birthday posts and occasionally dropping a meme like a breadcrumb to let people know I'm still alive. Apart from that I have been pretty quiet since retiring from football, and to be honest, retirement hit me harder than a Chloe Kelly penalty kick to the face. I felt I lost all my relevance and worth, I had expired from the sport and peoples thoughts. The struggle was real. I wasn't in a good place, and I still have my ups and downs, but I am feeling more positive and able to take control of my life. So why share all my thoughts, experiences and reflections now…Well I can tell you it's a hell of alot easier to share these experiences when you don't have the fear of a club, brand or sponsor dropping you for bringing up issues and shortcomings while you're striving towards your athletic dreams. With so little opportunities to secure contracts, you don’t want to be labeled as “a trouble maker or hard work” and risk getting black listed from future opportunities. So I wanted to share these stories, the good, the bad and the ugly. The bad and the ugly include; lack of resources, mental health, injuries, abuse of power, retirement and more. The good was having the opportunity to wake up everyday and play the game I love with my mates.
I have to say, I have been unbelievably fortunate with my support system, I have an amazing family who sacrificed so much to allow me to pursue my dreams, awesome friends who I can trust and be totally transparent with and an incredible partner who has been through it with me and always pushes me to grow. Over the holiday season, I was lucky enough to reconnect with one of my oldest teammates and best friends. We have known one another for 18 years, and have often lived our lives in parallel, from coming out at the same time, life changing moves, first loves, break ups, to pursuing alternative career paths in male dominated industries! As we rang in the New Year together we did the cliché new year's resolutions and goals, I shared my year in review, and what I was feeling going into 2024. In a moment of unfiltered honesty and without doing my constant over thinking and analyzing I shared that "this is the first year I am looking forward to since retiring from football….." Little did I know how depressing and sad that statement was. It was watching my best mate well up and recognise what a huge statement that was for me to share that made me see how big this change in perspective was. She had been there on the other end of the phone and facetime over the past few years and had witnessed and supported me through my struggle with mental health, and processing traumatic events. I felt as if after retiring from football the best days of my life were behind me, and that was a hard pill to swallow because it wasn't always glamorous. It was an absolute rollercoaster with my expiration from a club or retirement always hovering over me. And that's not to say I didn't have times where I lived like there was no tomorrow and had the time of my life, but the balance and stability definitely did not exist for me during my 10 years of professional sport.
Since hanging up my boots in July 2020 I've been quietly putting in the work to heal and improve my well-being, with therapy, support from loved ones and a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor (my life coach Susie tells me the latter is a coping mechanism….years of financial struggle, misogyny, and believing your worth is based on performance… I can't imagine what she thinks I am coping from, but hey ho). While doing the work I started to find my voice, and I wanted to start sharing my experience and thoughts. I am seeing a lot of my former teammates and friends starting to retire and I hope they don't feel alone or isolated like I did. As we are taught throughout our entire lives and careers to just put our head down and get on with things. I want this blog to be a space where my experience may not connect like for like, but where the feelings and emotions that arise from those moments resonate with individuals who are shifting careers, carving out a new path and figuring out their identity along the way. I heard this saying that the more detailed we can be with our experience the more relatable it can become. And I have found that to be true! After living in 6 countries and traveling to over 25+ countries, I have been able to make some incredible connections and friendships by allowing myself to be vulnerable, even when life events have been thrown at me to do the opposite.
Now this all sounds a bit intense and like I have found some profound version of expressing myself, but those who know me understand that I can't resist tossing in my fair share of awkward, random thoughts and encounters. I want to build a space where vulnerability rules the roost, where I can share my challenges, reflections and shortcomings in an authentic way.
So as we launch into 2024, I am challenging myself to change my internal beliefs that my voice, thoughts and experiences don't matter. Everything is relative and worth sharing. I am also really excited to take on new challenges and explore further versions of myself. If this connects with you in any way, I would love for you to follow along while I reveal experiences throughout my career, the feelings that emerged, and the lessons learned. If you have read to this point (I promise all my blogs won't be this long) , thanks for your support!
- Kylla Sjoman aka “The Expired Athlete”
What a brilliant post - a real privilege to have met you, Kylla, and hoping to do a lot of work with you moving forward
This is beautiful and emotive Kylla, and a lesson for all practising and aspiring players!